


catch eyes at that stupid party

by oh_la_fraise



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: M/M, going to make patrick/ted friendship tag a thing through sheer force of will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-22 18:43:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19968841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_la_fraise/pseuds/oh_la_fraise
Summary: “Is anyone else coming?” Patrick asked.“Um, Alexis, probably,” David said, unsure why he felt like he’d done something wrong.Or: Alexis’s graduation falls on a different night, and David is more beloved than he thinks.





	catch eyes at that stupid party

**Author's Note:**

> This is all Lorenzobane's fault bc I yelled at her about this in her inbox and she didn't respond in time, so I had no choice but to write it.
> 
> Title is from Don’t Delete the Kisses by Wolf Alice.
> 
> Also--thanks in advance to anyone that comments! IRL is crazy right now, so not only am I shamefully behind in replying, but also leaving comments on other people's fics, but I treasure each of them deeply.

_It’s a big weekend,_ Mom had said. _The Jazzagal concert Friday, and then Alexis’s graduation Saturday and then—_ David had waited for the _and David’s birthday celebration,_ but Mom was nothing if not precise; she’d gone in chronological order and blown right past the natality of her eldest offspring. He briefly wondered if there was a surprise party in the works, but Ronnie had mentioned the concert off hand when she was buying her apple preserves, and Ronnie didn’t care about David enough to try to lie to him.

When he asked Stevie later— _hey, Patrick and I are going to dinner tonight; do you want to come—_ she’d hesitated, but it was less _David’s onto us!_ and more that she was weighing cold chicken-fried-steak with two people she was allegedly friends with vs Friday night with a joint and a bottle of red. David understood, but he was a little relieved when she agreed to come regardless; he and Patrick, despite being together 90% of their waking hours, hadn’t spent much time together outside of the store, and David was worried that their easy camaraderie would shrivel up and die the second they flipped the closed sign and left the Apothecary. 

“I think I know where Mom’s Valium stash is hidden,” Alexis told him later. “You know, if you want to do something for your birthday.”

He shrugged. “Stevie and Patrick and I are getting dinner at the Cafe. You wanna come?” He offered because one thing David knew was etiquette, and also because the thought of spending his birthday with his little sister wasn’t as abhorrent as it once was.

“Ooh, yes, we can celebrate my graduation too,” she said, and David immediately regretted that last thought.

It wasn’t until later that night, when Patrick was looking awkward and uncomfortable with Stevie hovering by the table, that David thinks _was this a bad idea?_ He thought Patrick liked Stevie, but he looked like someone stepped on his foot. “Is anyone else coming?” Patrick asked.

“Um, Alexis, probably,” David said, unsure why he felt like he’d done something wrong. It was his birthday—shouldn’t he be able to celebrate with all of his friends? (Well, his total of two friends and his little sister, but. Details.)

Patrick nodded and made an awkward excuse, practically _running_ to the bathroom, and David was sure it wasn’t because he was adventurous enough to try Twyla’s homemade lemonade (Well, 95% sure, anyway. He’d seen the health inspection report.). Stevie slid in, propping her chin up on her hands and looking at him innocently. “Um, what was that?”

David shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. “I don’t—I’m not sure? Maybe—do you think he likes Alexis after all? And he’s nervous?” Alexis’s and Stevie’s teasing aside, David had let any thought of Patrick having a crush on Alexis die when she managed to put the labels upside down on an entire crate of deep conditioners. Being nervous in front of a crush would explain Patrick’s energy, though.

Stevie stared, unimpressed. “David. I know you’re not the brightest bulb—”

“—Excuse you—” he protested.

“—but even you cannot be _this_ stupid.”

He stared, and she groaned, gesturing to the present beside her. “He thought it was just going to be you two and he wore a sports coat. To the _Cafe._ George has been wearing the same shirt three days in a row.”

“We really shouldn’t eat here anymore,” David said.

Stevie cackled, sudden and bright. “Oh my God. He asked you out—“

“I really don’t think—“

“And you brought your ex and your _sister._ To your first date. _Wow_.”

David swallowed, trying to get past the thought of _first date first date first date._ He had very intentionally gone out of his way to not think about Patrick Like That, because imagining a relationship with his very snarky, very sweet, very competent business partner would drive David off the deep end. But there was a certain logic in what Stevie said—David hadn’t even known Patrick owned a blazer—and then he thought about how horrified Patrick had looked when he’d realized that yes, David had indeed brought his ex and his sister to their first date. The worst part was, this wouldn’t even crack the top ten list of David’s worst first dates.

Before David could say anything else, three things happened. Stevie whipped the present out onto the table, clearly about to rifle through it. Patrick returned, looking a little less he was about to bolt like a scared rabbit, and Alexis swanned in, shoving David into the far side of the booth. She was only ten minutes late, practically early for Alexis.

Her hands bounced and then reached out and grabbed the present. 

“Oh, you all got me a graduation present? You shouldn’t have!” The tissue paper went flying, and then she was holding a picture frame, looking confused. “A receipt? Oh, is whatever it is on backorder? David, I’ve told you that you can’t trust rush shipping.”

Patrick cleared his throat. “Actually, it’s from me.” At Alexis’s confused look, he added, “for David’s birthday. It’s, uh, it’s our first sale receipt. But happy graduation too, Alexis.”

“Oh. _Oh,”_ Alexis said, shoving the frame at David. She had a grin on her face that could only be described as maniacal, and David could only deduce that she’d rapidly come to the same conclusion Stevie had. “Isn’t that adorable?”

Stevie nodded. “Oh, I just remembered. There’s a . . .thing.” Really, did David have no one in his life who could lie convincingly? “I need to go. Alexis, didn’t you have something too?” David loved Stevie for trying, but he was worried that if she stared at Alexis any harder her eyes would launch out of her head. 

Alexis shook her head. “ _No-oo.”_ she said confidently. “I want to make sure David has a good time.” She wiggled her eyebrows, being even more unsubtle than Stevie, and David wondered if Twyla could put something in his lasagna that would poison him quickly. 

“Okay, I guess I’m leaving then,” Stevie said, giving up.

Alexis waved goodbye and turned her laser focus on Patrick, who was looking more and more like he wanted to hide under the table. “Patrick, did you know David once did a shot of every flavor of Smirnoff in a single night?” Patrick’s face contorted, and a shiver ran down David’s back. Oh God. Alexis was trying to _help._ She thought that David won’t be able to seal the deal without her and her stories that were incredibly horrifying to anyone outside the Rose family. Oh God.

The worst part was, David wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t not wrong. 

Twyla swanned up to the table. “Alexis, there is—” she squinted. “A publicity emergency at the hotel that only you can solve.” She was clearly reciting the line word for word, and David sent a mental prayer of thanks for Stevie.

“A key PR strategy is to delay releasing a response to build anticipation,” she said primly. 

“I don’t know Alexis; it sounds like they might need your help,” Patrick said, speaking for the first time in a while. Alexis grinned at him.

“If you’re _sure,”_ Alexis she said, and David wanted to drop kick her out a second story window, but she was finally leaving—

“Hey guys! Sorry I’m late. Happy birthday David!”

David wondered if he slammed his head into the table to the point of unconsciousness if that would be less painful than how this night was developing.

Alexis had that _oh no_ look on her face that meant she was responsible for Ted’s presence. And really, who else would be? David liked Ted, but on the list of people in Schitt’s Creek he wanted to celebrate his birthday with, Ted was somewhere between drunk Ray and the water cooler delivery guy who sold David weed.

Ted slid into the booth next to Patrick, who looked like he’d swallowed a nail. Forget gaining a boyfriend; David would be lucky if Patrick didn’t abandon David alone to run the Apothecary into the ground by the time the night was over. 

“Your birthday is a very special occasion,” Ted was saying, “and should be _cele-david.”_ Alexis laughed, high and bright and a little snort-y, and if David wasn’t so busy wanting to strangle her with her own hair, he’d be concerned for her, because she had it _bad_ for Ted.

“Sorry I’m late,” Ted repeated, “I was leading a nature hike at Rattlesnake Point for Jocelyn’s ecology class, and Eliza Herman briefly got stuck in a well.” He shoved an entire mozzarella stick into his mouth, and Patrick was suddenly beaming, smiling in a way he hadn’t looked at David the entire night. 

“Oh, Rattlesnake Point? I love it there,” he _gushed. “_ I go all the time.”

“Yeah? We should go sometime. I’d love a hiking buddy.” It only got worse from there; Ted and Patrick, it turned out, got along really well, to the exclusion of the Rose siblings. Alexis started tapping David’s thigh incessantly, conveying a sense of _we’re both being ignored what is happening._ David had a vision of Patrick and Ted retiring to the mountains to become gay lumberjacks while David and Alexis were left to fend for themselves in tax season.

“C’mon,” Ted said eventually, Food had disappeared and reappeared in a blur; David thought he may have even hallucinated Twyla singing happy birthday. “Alexis, David, I’ll give you guys a ride home.”

“Oh, Patrick and I have to—inventory,” he said, snapping out of his stupor. Patrick looked a little resigned, and wow, David had never scared off someone in that quick of a timeframe. He might have set a personal best tonight.

“On your birthday? Wow, great work ethic.” Anyone else, it would sound sarcastic, but Ted was incapable of being anything but scarily genuine. 

There was an awkward shuffling during which Patrick scooted past Ted in the booth while Ted talked about a future hiking trip, Alexis winking unsubtly the whole time. David drug his feet on the way to the Apothecary, Patrick silent behind him. He could briefly feel Patrick’s body heat as David fiddled with the key, and David tried to drink it in before Patrick confessed he had _no_ idea how insane the maniacs in David’s immediate social circle wore, and how Patrick will immediately be moving away to have polite heterosexual sex with some pleasant young woman because David’s antics had scared him off of men forever.

They stood in the store for a moment, the awkward silence pressing in. Patrick sighed. “Look, David, I’m sorry—” And there it was. David had heard it all before. _I thought it would be different; I thought you’d be different._ “I should have been up front with my intentions, because clearly you aren’t into me romantically if you were so desperate to get out of a date you invited your sister and her ex.”

David’s mind skittered to a stop, reversed, and plowed through the garage. “What?”

Patrick looked a little like a kicked dog. “David, I’m already embarrassed enough. Please don’t make me sit through a formal rejection.”

“Okay, first of all, intentions makes you sound like a Puritan gentlemen, and second of all—”

David leaned into Patrick’s space. Patrick was still, unresponsive to the press of David’s mouth, and David thought _oh God I got this wrong_ even though Patrick had _said—_ but then Patrick was gasping, hot and wet.

Patrick, it turned out, was a really, _really_ good kisser.

“Yeah, you should have told me it was a date and not a casual hang out,” David said when they finally pulled away, “because then I wouldn’t have invited literally everyone I know.”

Patrick smiled, and his eyes sparkled like a smoky quartz or a freshly opened soda or some other poignant metaphor for something brown and glittery that David would figure out when he wasn’t sucking face with this business partner. Patrick leaned in to kiss him again, and—

—And there was a rap, short and sharp on the front door. They whirled around. Ted and Alexis had their faces smushed to the glass. Ted was beaming, and Alexis flashed a thumbs up. 

David threw out an arm in the universal gesture of _get out of here, vermin!_ They just smiled harder. David could see fingerprints; he would have to clean the windows again. 

Somehow, as Patrick laughed into his neck, David didn’t really mind. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at ohlafraise.


End file.
